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The other day I had listened to a highly educated person talk of narcissists basically owning it and how empaths or highly sensitive people whine and blame others. Hmmmmmm, this one made me think. And yes, frankly I took offense for a brief moment.
First off anyone and everyone has the right too their opinion. Let’s look at this from a different angle, if just for a moment, shall we? Both the empathic or highly sensitive person (who ends up with a narcissist 9 times out of 10) is someone who doesn’t feel worthy, good enough, or loved and may or may not suffer from childhood trauma, although it is more likely that they do. Well now the narcissist in the background comes from trauma usually in childhood or so the scholars have written. This trauma then also forms the thoughts of being unloved, unworthy and or not good enough. The difference in reactions and behaviours come with the ability to feel empathy for others, the use of mirroring and projection as well.
The narcissist has to keep these wounds hidden, because of the lack of empathy the lack of learning proper emotional response. They seek out and then use until they have depleted their victim, the co sufferer of childhood trauma, however these are the people that are the sufferers who display the need for affection, love, and to do good, help and heal. They act to help; the others hide and destroy so that they will not have to feel their hurt.
It is not that all sensitive people are inept to heal themselves, but that all narcissists are inept. This is not a difference but very much the same. For if the narcissist could go back to a time when they were being wanted and could ask for help and say I’m not worthy of love, I’m hurt, I’m being made to feel as though I am not good enough do you think the narcissist would have the need to suck the life energy out of an unsuspecting victim? To go forth and damage those that become involved with them. Is it a coincidence that all narcissists look for the people that have exactly what they do not? The ability to care, search and give, showing vulnerabilities that they may or may not be aware of the need to heal.
The biggest difference between and empath or a highly sensitive person and a narcissist is that when you point out faults, behavioural patterns, vocalizations that are maladaptive for the empath or highly sensitive person and give them a path to change more often than not it can and will be done.
This strengthens and brings growth to the person that they can share with others if not by literally teaching others, but by spreading a sense of newfound centeredness and better interactions with others. This is positive and forward movement.
The narcissist on the other hand is completely incapable of doing this.
Unable to even look at their own faults, or change them in anyway, they look for others in order to build for themselves a false sense of self complete with their own set of cognitive emotions. This deep-seated wound will never be opened by the narcissist. In fact, for some they probably do not even know when or how it began. They are wounded people just like the highly sensitive and empathic people can be as well. Narcissists are driven by ego and devoid of empathy and do not understand the concept. Empaths might just be guilty of running on empathy.
Both the narcissist and the empath can be guilty of whining at times. I myself have heard the whining as it were from both the lips of the empath and the narcissist. I can tell you that I would much rather listen to the whining of the empath because at least if constructive criticism is given it will be taken in due course and you wouldn’t have to suffer any repercussions for it. The narcissist would never be able to do this, ego driven people can not and would not be able to accept any criticism ever. A narcissist even talking about this is a self-propelled ego filled with jealousy that’s not getting needs met.
So, is it fair to downplay the whining of the empath which is probably related to being completely decimated by the narcissist? Not to mention after having already been deconstructed by toxic people throughout their lives which would have brought them to this point of whining to let go of pain and misunderstandings of the self. For at least the whines of the empath can be heard as a cry for help; one that if met, the help offered will be appreciated. The whining of the narcissist is fueled by the need for attention and adulation, the stroking of the ego by the unsuspecting, always taking and never changing.
So, as I thought of this, I had to remind myself that if I am taking offense to someone else’s opinions stated that was on me. I had to realize that after a narcissistically abusive relationship there are sensitive areas. Sometimes these topics really scratch what is left of those core wounds. Thus giving an “aftershock”. Should you take offense? No, just pause, breathe, let it pass and then learn what you need.
Take Care, Be Safe, and Find Your Happy!
Cheryl Abraham
If this resonates with you and would like to work with me, I would love to hear from you.
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