Do you hear that noise? Over and over and over.

So, what’s up with all of those noises, the stupid childish noises. The ones that make no sense, sound like noises from the throat, or clucking, a noise made out of a word.

These noises are repeated over and over and over sometimes the noise sounds like a gravely escape from one’s throat that carries on a little too long and repetitively. These noises are largely nonsensical noises that can sound as intelligent as a one-year-old starting to talk although nowhere near as cute.

These noises generally start after the rage reaction and the discard. When you speak or answer them, they might respond with these noises, but why did they even start? How can you escape from it? Perhaps the noises start out of insecurity, you know who and what they are, there’s no where to hide and they need something to repel you and or get a reaction from you because after all they still need a supply.

You may find yourself getting angry easily when you hear these noises, fed up, frustrated. Perhaps you yell, maybe you cup your hands over your ears and cry or respond with an equally childish response. Your childish response could be something like cupping your ears while you close your eyes and sing out “I can’t hear you”.

Doing any of these things on your part gives them fuel, you may even see them smirk. These reactions would illicit a couple more noises prior to them stopping, now they feel they have won.

They may let one more noise slip out as they knock something off of the table and leave the room. You have just given them supply.

Perhaps the narcissist does this noise making to get angered reaction, to repel you, perhaps at some point you became “real” and not just a cardboard cut out or character frozen in time playing in the movie in their head. Perhaps the narcissist uses these childish reactions because they know you were right and just can not face this nor do they want the anger they feel to come to the surface as the shame following that would be too much? Perhaps it is to just stop them from hurting you and them suffering the consequences of that action.

Who knows it is everyone’s guess even the most educated unless you hear a truthful account from a narcissist bearing all of his or her secrets as they lay dying. This brings me to yet another reason that the narcissist might be making all of these stupid nerve fraying noises and that is to self soothe. I know, it sounds really weird that those throaty repetitive noises, the made-up words, the clucking or clicking and whatever other strange noises they come up with could in fact be self soothing.

Now let me explain my theory on this… If on your journey of healing, you have come across breath work or polyvagal theories perhaps you have come across “voo” breathing. This breath work creates a vibration against the back of your throat as you breathe out thus stimulating the vagus nerve inducing a calming effect within the persons nervous system. A good majority of the noises that I have heard the narcissist make would produce this effect, now this is just a thought. Could you imagine for a second a household with one person making noises and the other voo breathing?! I think I would want to leave!

Whatever the case may be with you, the question remains how do you handle this?

This behaviour of the narcissist doesn’t just last 10-15 minutes, oh no no no. It is generally morning to night. I awoke one night at 0200 to use the toilet, the narcissist was either already awake or heard me, this detail is irrelevant it’s the fact that the narcissist heard me. He was probably awake though. Regardless I started to hear the noises coming from the narcissists room. I went back to bed and proceeded to put in ear plugs not knowing how long the noises went on for. Was my presence that much of a trigger? The narcissist awoke in the morning, did the usual slamming of doors, stomping about the house and as soon as I was seen the noises started. There was reprieve only as the door shut and he was off to work, the door opened at the end of the day and thus started the sporadic release of the noises yet again.

So, what can you do to protect yourself from this? I know it wears on every fibre of your body and mind, it is a slow and steady fraying of your nerves. If you live with this, know that it has got to be exhaustive for them. I know, not exactly what you want to hear. Shake your head and walk away, tell yourself that these noises do not bother you (you might need to do this over and over).

Do what you want and listen to what you love when they are away, take pleasure knowing that you do not need to react and that if you do you, you are giving them supply. Know that the narcissists nervous system is in complete tatters and can not be repaired, these noises are the closest they get. Take pleasure knowing that you don’t need to react, that you are changing and that you can repair your nervous system and the physical changes the narcissist has created within you. This luxury is not available to them, change and healing are not an option for the narcissist.

Know that you are healing, beginning to vibrate on a higher frequency, moving away and will never be at that level ever again. When you can do this the noises become sad and pathetic, little attempts to poke at someone they could not drain.

Take Care, Be Safe, and Find Your Happy!

Until next time...

Thanks for reading!

Cheryl Abraham Psych.N (ret), Cl.Hyp., C. Trauma informed coach, Cert. RTT practitioner, International Assoc. of Counsellors and Therapists.

Somatic Trauma Informed Coaching

Specializing in narcissistic abuse