top of page

How Does Fear Impact Your Events?

collaborativecareh




That is the fear that you live with following narcissistic abuse.


Do not let your fear paint a picture of events or people in them. You are just as valuable a anyone else and have just as much to share. Wow… This one is or can be overwhelming to even think about after having suffering with narcissistic abuse. Perhaps you have been there. Following the abuse you may find yourself feeling pretty good, standing on solid ground and feeling ready to embark upon new situations in your life. Perhaps a class, a group, work… We’ve all been there, right?


Almost a year and a half on from the narcissists rage reaction I found myself going into a situation, it was a learning situation. I confidently signed up, paid for, was interested in and good at, (so I have been told) and could half heartedly agree with the assessment at this point in my life. I took a big gulp, used some positive self talk and into the learning event I went. The whole situation turned out to be wonderful and positive, I learned more as I pushed myself to do this. was later I thought of the insecurities, the fear that I had of even starting this. It Where did these insecurities come from? How is it that these insecurities this fear should become prominent in my thoughts and my body before and after the event? Especially after because I had a great time of it all it was a positive experience for me. When was the last time that I did not think like this? I really had to dive in deep to retrieve some answers for this.


I started to think when exactly I was able to go into situations or come out of situations without any of the fear or insecurities? What were some of the events in my life that have added as my thoughts, feelings and physical sensations pertaining to fear and insecurities. This was not completely the narcissists’ fault. The narcissist just picked at these and highlighted them, working ever so diligently on these insecurities to embed them into my daily life. However, I had to admit that it did not start with the narcissist.



So, my journey began. Looking back, I have to say that these insecurities within myself had started at various times in my childhood. The insecurities carefully built upon throughout my life by various players, toxic people and self sabotaging beliefs and thoughts, events that I had decided to keep. Why though? Why am I still holding onto this and not only that, how easy was it for someone with no good intentions to get in and use that those old unaccounted-for feelings and emotions.



Wowzers! So, I went to the last time in my life that I remember feeling free. I had to unabashedly ask questions of myself, I had to try to elicit this information from within, suddenly I had a thirst for knowledge. Thank goodness that inquisitive thirst for knowledge was still there inside of me, it was a trait that I recognized from childhood. I’m sure that this resonates with many of you as well. I was so relieved to have pinpointed this in myself. I knew that I wanted and needed to continue learning, I also knew that I am responsible for my feeling. Nobody can make you feel anything except for you.


I started to ask myself what can I do about this? These feelings of fear and insecurity can be overwhelming and keep you from entering situations, or even away from others. What events in your life had you put away from your childhood that may have given you some insecurities or fears? How did you react to situations prior to knowing the narcissist? What did you do carry from childhood, and did you have toxic people around you then that helped to form your thoughts, beliefs and feelings to situations? What was it that you displayed in your behaviour or verbalizations with the narcissist that made these insecurities or fears so easy for them to discover and work on? What is it that you need to work on when going into new situations?


Ugggghhhhh, none of this is easy to admit to or to work on, is it? But yet none of this is your fault either! You are the one who is powerfully and independently taking your life by the reigns and changing it. This takes strength and courage the opposites of fear and insecurities.


Then there is discernment, what of these situations with the narcissist do you need to own, and what do you leave with them? Really get curious about what behaviours of the narcissist you just accepted, what emotions have you attached, and did you attach emotions to your behaviour or theirs? Are there some attachments, insecurities and fears that you need to let go of?


If you are reading this you are realizing, owning and getting your strength. You are realizing, maybe that you are missing something. Take your power back, start to look back and feel into events of the past. What do you need to own, what do you need to let go? Most of all how do you feel doing this? This paves the way for you to be comfortable in new situations. To release any fears that you may have, being able to ask ourselves these questions and to answer ourselves thus enables us to implement feelings, thoughts and behaviours. Becoming stronger, more knowledgeable about ourselves and confident. When you have this, fear and insecurities do not get in the way. When you start working on these questions you are already dissipating fear, you are getting back to you. The narcissist is not involved in this in any way nor are they equipped to do any of this inner work.


There is no room for a narcissist when doing inner work, in your healing. As you heal you decrease fear and insecurity, becoming stronger and confident in the process. As you do this the narcissist begins to shrink, until they are completely gone. This takes time, it doesn’t happen overnight everyone’s healing journey is very individual without time frames and that’s O.K. it took time to get to this point. You created and built these emotions and reactions; the narcissist just brought them out and heightened them. You can let it go, give it back, be rid of it. Moving forward in your healing journey all starts by fearlessly looking back.


Take Care, Be Safe, and Find Your Happy!

0 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page