Don't Put Words In My Mouth

Have you ever just sat and listened to the narcissist talk about an issue that they have, let’s say at work?

Catching the lies

They may have been babbling about this incessantly to you every time that they see you, the story they tell inevitably goes through a metamorphosis. They start to lay blame on others around them at work, they began to chastise and make disparaging comments about those around them in the workplace.

Just maybe throughout the course of a few days in the chatter coming out of the narcissists mouth you may start to hear them say “what about my contribution”?” Everyone at that place is acting like they don’t even see my importance”. As you listen for days sometimes to the petulant whining of the narcissist you start to hear the ego, the wound seeping and quickly being bandaged with anger and projection.

You may know who they are talking about, you may also know the work ethic and style so to speak of the narcissist. Perhaps they like to rewrite the role of their job to better suite themselves, cut corners or just “push the envelope in general”. These actions would be par for the course in the narcissist’s world.

They are never at fault even though it is their actions that cause the problems.

Suddenly it becomes war. The others are against the narcissist. This is when they may not be able to control their actions and knee jerk reactivity may become the normal as impulse control. When the narcissist feels wrong, or wronged is not a strong suite. If you are with more of a cerebral person their acting out may be in the form of letters/emails to everyone and anyone whom they see in a position of power. If not, they may act out with lies and defamation, perhaps a physical act of malice.

You may recognize that in the past you may have listened, gotten involved in the conversation, maybe even given advice that may or may not have been used. They did however get supply when you interacted in their issues, conversation and gave them words to use in whatever way they so chose, you gave them regulation and supply. But now you sit back and listen. Even though you have not said anything at all, you have not given an opinion, suddenly you are hearing the narcissist say “you said that I should do x,y & z”.

No, I said nothing do not put words into my mouth, and just like that you are now part of the narrative. Just repeat no I said nothing at all as often as necessary and say no more. You may find it interesting as I did as to just how easily you become woven into the fabrications of the narcissists mind, when you are a source of supply.

Perhaps you spoke to them in the past. You know what you would have thought to be just a conversation, but you inadvertently gave them words. This is exactly what they now “think” is happening again, their thoughts will somehow become your words even though this time during conversation you may not have said anything. In fact, you could have been daydreaming and not even listening to the narcissistic rhetoric.

This happened one morning prior to the NPD leaving for work. Absolutely oblivious to me as the narcissist paced and preached as I sat drinking my coffee and read an article, only half assed paying attention to his words. The narcissist didn’t even notice that I was not interacting, let alone conversing. This showed me just how much attention was actually being paid to me, I think I could have walked away and left a stuffed animal on my chair for all the difference it would have made.

Obviously when I did speak there was a lack of attention or interest. This happened one morning prior to leaving for work. This was showing me that his words and his interactions, the little plays that he acts out are kept and played out at a later date, if need be, what you have said can and will be used at a later date if they see fit to do so. I am myself taking this as a warning, for future reference, to keep myself safe and to not engage but to be a mere spectator of the little performances the narcissist puts on. Sitting to interject that whatever was said were not ever my words.

This is a learning experience, an insight of sorts. There is a lesson here, they use you even when you are not giving them anything to use. Words and actions are kept in the narcissists mind and brought out to be carefully choreographed and used later.

I get the line from the reading of the Miranda rights come to mind; “anything you say, can and will be used against you and to my advantage in the future as I see fit”. There is forethought and planning that go into a narcissists retaliation and acting out. They know what they are doing. If you are at home and this type of interaction sounds familiar just listen to them recount the problem that they made, how they blame and devalue others, defame characters and play victim. Most importantly how they use your words, spoken to them recently or remembered at will. The way they do this at home is the practiced performance that they take to work. Should their actions or words have consequences it will be because of your words. Does this sound familiar?

Remember the only response is “no, I did not say anything, I did not say that, stop putting words into my mouth”.

Take Care, Be Safe, and Find Your Happy!

 -Cheryl